Definition:

Conflict between small groups or individuals as opposed to larger national or international conflicts.

Users:

Anyone dealing with an interpersonal conflict, especially one that is escalating or violent.

Description:

Interpersonal conflict is the material of life. Couples disagree about what to eat, whether to go to the mall, relationships with children, etc. Students and teachers have conflicts over grades. We have road rage on suburban highways, disputes between neighbors over property lines, and arguments between workers and bosses. Interpersonal conflict is everywhere.

The importance of interpersonal conflict lies in how we handle it. Some helpful terms that describe our options when we encounter conflict are "flight, fight, or unite."

Flight is what scholars call the exit option. Sometimes you can just walk away. If someone acts aggressively toward you on the highway, you can avoid them. Fighting is very common. Spousal abuse, most violent crime, and schoolyard fights are an outgrowth of interpersonal conflict. A third option is to unite to solve differences cooperatively. Couples can talk through differences of opinion. Teachers and students can settle almost every grade complaint in a way that not only satisfies them but also makes them better students or teachers. However, if the interpersonal conflict is intense, uniting requires help from a third party--someone who helps disputants find common interests that can serve as the basis for an agreement. For example, mediators and arbitrators are used on a routine basis in American businesses and many families see counselors.

Often, interpersonal conflict is a micro-level version of larger international and national disputes. Flight, fight, and unite are the options we have in facing any conflict. Interpersonal and international conflict are not the same, of course, but in some ways it is easier to prevent international conflict from turning violent because collective decisions have to be made, often by hundreds of people.

Individuals can have a big impact on the results of interpersonal conflicts. Out of the three options, "flight, fight, and unite," the first two are almost always counterproductive. In reality, violence used in response to violence produces even more violence in return. Flight does not provide a better option either. Flight is not necessarily physically running from a conflict. Rather, we tend to delay dealing with it, hoping that somehow it will just go away. It seldom does.

Therefore, individuals are responsible for solving their problems cooperatively. Conflict resolution is a growth industry, but the growing community of conflict resolution professionals still needs to become more visible so that people can learn about it and turn to it when a conflict arises. People also need to become better dispute resolvers themselves. No matter how many mediators there are, and how well they are known, they cannot come close to mediating every interpersonal conflict. People need to learn how to resolve conflicts themselves.

Most governments have already taken steps to reduce the most violent forms of interpersonal conflict, such as spousal abuse. However, states have a long way to go in preventing violence. Furthermore, states have barely scratched the surface when it comes to promoting win/win conflict resolution at any level. As a result, adversarial processes remain the norm.

Examples:

Children fight on the playground all the time, and gang violence in inner cities is common. Increasingly, however, schools have instituted what are called "peer mediation programs" or other school-based conflict resolution programs that train students to be mediators to help other students resolve their disputes without violence. Many of these programs teach all the students some dispute resolution principles as well, so they can learn to deal with problems directly, without always needing the help of a mediator.

Applications:

Conflict and violence prevention is used constantly by ordinary people who get into disputes and need to figure out a satisfactory solution. While flight-ignoring the problem or backing away-may make sense in situations that are not important, it often just allows the conflict to grow bigger over time. So learning positive forms of dispute resolution is usually a superior approach to all involved.

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